When it comes to taking action, one of our favorite coaching suggestions is always to:
Begin with the end in mind.
It’s an important reminder to think through implications and unintended consequences before you act. It is of course one of the seven habits of successful people written about by the late Stephen Covey in his seminal work The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.
Our experience as coaches has made this one of our favorite admonitions because it’s a highly effective way to stop impulsive and often negative events from unfolding. We have found that taking even a few moments to think about what outcome a person or team really wants before taking action is an invaluable way to skip makes sense at the moment decisions that people often come to regret.
Employee quiet quitting and manager quiet firing are two generally poor behavioral trends that are more common than ever. They remind us once again of the essential need to always begin with the end in mind.
Both require close examination before using or not using. We say this partly because both include the word “quiet” and for us, that’s a red flag – a real cause for concern. Even when either is done for understandable reasons the fact that it’s done “quietly” – that one party or the other doesn’t feel comfortable discussing why it’s being done – suggests to us that the host workplace may not be as sufficiently open, candid, trustful, and receptive as it should or could be.
SHRM (Society of Human Resources Management) has gone so far as to give specific advice on avoiding both is this important article: ‘Quiet Firing’ is Not the Antidote to ‘Quiet Quitting’
Here are simple definitions of both, following by lists of typical reasons used to justify these behaviors.
Quiet quitting is not (as it may sound) about quitting one’s job. Rather it is about doing what is required of a job — no more or less. It is not necessarily a bad thing. It is something some workers engage in to achieve greater work-life balance or avoid burnout. These are legitimate concerns. But a problem is that the actions of quiet quitting may come across as being uncommitted or disengaged.
Reasons for engaging in quiet quitting may also include:
- No one appreciates any extra effort I make anyway.
- My personal life is more important than going beyond doing the minimum at work.
- If my manager cared s/h would talk to me more frequently and explain why doing more matters.
Quiet firing is not firing per se but occurs when a manager “gives up” on an employee. It often comes as a response to quiet quitting.
It is what poor management does when it doesn’t make the effort or have the needed skills to deal with quiet quitting in more effective and appropriate ways.
Quiet firing is simply poor and inadequate management. Managers who practice quiet firing often engage in passive/aggressive behaviors like creating a hostile workplace, failing to engage, and withholding support and recognition. In addition, they avoid opportunities to deeply understand the needs of others and support the people who they are tasked with leading.
Reasons to engage in quiet firing may include thoughts like:
- Maybe this person will get the hint that we don’t want or need people who are not doing their best and quit on their own.
- Why should I confront this person when they are likely to just get defensive and not change anyway.
- Some people just don’t care about their jobs anymore. They are completely self-centered and don’t think of anyone but themselves.
We believe you can and should avoid both by engaging in relevant coaching conversations. When you “start with the end in mind” and consider the consequences of both of these “quiet activities” you can likely avoid either one or both.
Use these questions anyway you want. For example:
- Send a message about quiet quitting and quiet firing to your teams and suggest they use the questions suggested below to think about what it is they really want to achieve at work or as a manager if they are one.
- Use them to get a conversation going with someone on your team who you think may be challenged and contemplating quiet quitting or quiet firing.
- Keeping connected with people you work with because being connected is important and one of the best ways of doing this is by asking questions and listening and responding to the answers.
Ask the question and listen. Then, ask another question and listen again. Connect and follow through on any agreements developed.
Coaching questions for quiet quitting:
Share these questions with people you think might be quiet quitting or thinking about it. Let the conversation develop and aim to share and reinforce positive ideas from those you are engaging. Don’t judge or scold or blame. Be a coach. Listen, be supportive, and help those you coach discover new approaches and develop new insights – ones they believe will be helpful.
Try these questions or create your own:
- What’s going well with you and what is bothering or frustrating you at work now?
- What would you like to be doing personally or professionally that you are not doing?
- How could I help with making those ideas happen? Be specific.
- What does being successful in your business and/or personal life “look like” for you?
- Can you imagine things getting better or closer to your definition of success? How might that happen?
- Can you imagine having enough time for everything you feel is important?
- How could you make progress toward that goal?
- Should you say no to more unimportant things as a means of doing more of what’s important to you?
- Do you think our company/organization does enough to make you and others feel valued and appreciated? How could it do a better job of that?
- What do you think would be the long-term consequence of someone just doing the minimum? Is that outcome worth avoiding?
- How can you or anyone on our teams curb the tendency to just drift or do the minimum?
- What do you think the upside is of doing or demonstrating going beyond to help or serve our customers?
- If you were your manager, what you would be doing differently to help you?
Coaching questions for quiet firing.
Share these questions with managers you think may be failing to positively support and encourage conversations with their staff related to improved performance. Let conversations develop and aim to reinforce good management/leadership behavior and encourage dropping approaches that are more about punishing perceived bad behavior than they are about being an effective leader and coach.
- Does it make sense to assume people will do something difficult for you to do?
- Do you believe people will ever “take a hint” and leave or change without an outward push? Why do you think that?
- What are the three things you most want to see in your own boss? What behaviors are most important to you and help you achieve your best?
- Could you imagine using that list as your “to do” list in terms of working with your people?
- What stops you from being totally honest with people you work with?
- Why do you hesitate to give them needed feedback and support?
- What’s the most important thing any leader or manager can do to get people to do their best?
- Have you ever found satisfaction in meeting bad behavior with more bad behavior?
- Managers often feel over worked and underappreciated. Do you think this is the case in our organization?
- What is the hardest thing about giving feedback to people on your team?
- How can you make it easier for yourself?
- Are there questions about giving feedback that I could answer for you?
While quiet quitting and quiet firing are happening, these trends will likely be replaced by others. Our collective job is to meet trending challenges — good or bad — with balance and thoughtful consideration of what will lead to the best longer-term culture for our organizations.
With all of the difficulties and stressors of the last years and the problems that come with adjusting to hybrid work and other challenges, it always makes sense to ask questions and help people gain clarity about what they really want and how their efforts will ultimately lead to the best solutions for them and others.
Coaches help people reflect and learn and grow. It’s a big job that starts with the end in mind – having a workplace that’s positive, engaging, and successful.