We live in an “outgoing” culture. By that we mean that people are encouraged and rewarded for speaking, writing, doing, explaining, capturing attention, sharing, liking, and generally responding as frequently as possible. Listening is “encouraged” — but often in the abstract.
In reality listening is an absolutely fundamental skill for effective leadership because it is absolutely fundamental to connecting with others. Without listening there is no understanding, no sharing, no demonstrated empathy and no insight beyond your own thoughts. But listening also takes longer than just talking. And advocating slowing anything down can be often frowned upon — especially at work.
How can people change the habit of “responding first” to the habit of “listening first”? How can people truly put into practice this sage advice — seek to understand before you seek to be understood?
Try this 2-step process:
Step 1: Listen more to your Boss
First, we suggest you do not explain, or attempt to convince others of the value of listening. It will likely be counterproductive. Some may take offense and others will likely not even “hear” you. Instead, start by modeling the desired behavior. Just doing more listening without explanation is a powerful first step.
Start with your boss the next time you meet to give some sort of status update. Rather than you starting to talk a lot, start the conversation with this question:
Do you feel comfortable and pleased with the progress we are making on the project? THEN LISTEN.
Rephrase what she/he says to show your understanding and go from there. Two things will absolutely happen.
-
- You will often have a much deeper sense of what you need to cover or not cover.
- You will be listened to more effectively because you are asking what people want and need to hear.
Step 1 starts the ball rolling in the right direction!
Step 2: Listen more to your colleagues and team members
Starting with one peer or team member at a time, decide you are going to learn three new things about the person you select in a given week. There is no way you can learn three new things about someone without listening — so be prepared to do just that!
Begin to break the habit of talking first. You don’t have to pretend to be a monk, just start interactions with questions. You will be reshaping your own habits and modeling skills for others to emulate.
Think of it as changing the culture because it is. Nothing will increase productivity more.
Want to learn even more?
Consider this assessment to see where you need to sharpen your listening skills.
Listening Skills Test
Addition Insights
Video
- This powerful TED talk will help you keep your commitment to listen better before you “lose your listening.”
Julian Treasure: 5 ways to listen better
Additional Reading
- Here’s a well constructed article on listening well. Consider sharing it with your team and then discussing it at a meeting. Everyone needs to listen more and this article is likely to capture more than one person’s attention. The goal is to get all involved in moving the culture to one that really values listening.
How to Lead With Your Strengths - And lastly, here are some helpful tips to help you improve your listening skills. Please read them and pass them on!
10 Tips to Effective & Active Listening Skills