Conflict exists in every organization.
Why? Because the potential for discord is “baked” into the fabric of organizations — lots of people with different interests, needs, and approaches; each wanting attention, time, financial resources, and power — resources that inevitably are limited. Successful leaders know how to deal with conflict effectively and to be successful, leaders at all levels need to be able to answer this question:
What types of conflict require what style of conflict resolution?
While how we approach conflict is often unique to the situation and the people involved, the five modes of conflict presented in the Thomas/Kilmann model dealing with conflict resolution can be helpful . For those of you familiar with the model, you may remember the five styles (competing, accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, and compromising). Here’s an quick overview:
Mode
Conflict Approach
Key Words
Competing
High assertiveness/uncooperative
power-oriented, wanting to win
Collaborating
Highly assertive/very cooperative
willing to work toward a win-win outcome; be open to alternatives that get both sides’ needs met; and find a solution that meets both parties’ needs
Compromising
In the middle in terms of both the degree of assertiveness and the degree of cooperation
both sides win some and lose some; object is to find an expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both sides
Avoiding
Unasserrtive and uncooperative
lose-lose situation; doesn’t really address the conflict issue; could be sidestepping the problem or otherwise postponing having to deal with it or withdrawing altogether
Accommodating
Unassertive but cooperative
self-sacrificing; putting others’ needs in front of one’s own; possibly being generous or too easily persuaded by others
While we all have preferences, the most important point about conflict is this: there are times when EACH style works better than the others. And knowing when that is, creates growth opportunities for you.
Conflict Situation
Suggested Conflict Style
Need to make a fast, unpleasant decision that might get people upset (think cutting costs, legal issues, discipline)?
Do it decisively and without fuss — especially since you’ll likely be competing with others for “air time.” Turn down the volume and rancor in your voice and keep your approach simple and clear. Never discipline in any public setting, and remember to come across as decisive — but FAIR. Fairness is essential to be perceived as a “good leader” in any situation. Skip the drill sergeant or dismissive approach. Both are old hat, old school, and not appropriate in today’s workplace.
Need to keep things calm, cool, and connected — to achieve a better or at least steady and level relationship?
Think about giving more than you are taking. Accommodating others makes sense if something is truly more important to others than to you, or if you realize that you actually can learn something from taking the other’s position — or most importantly if taking another position gets you a better result. Thinking that accommodation is a weakness is a serious mistake.
Need to get people to calm down in a white hot situation? Need more information or know that the situation does not require your immediate attention?
These are times when avoiding — usually not a good thing — is useful. Sometimes just waiting for time to pass, or to gather additional information can resolve conflicts. Sometimes, when there are other more critical matters at hand, taking a step back and avoiding a conflict situation is the smart move.
Need to have real, tangible, and bankable commitment to a project, change, intervention or new strategy? Need to create a major shift in how work is done, clients are handled or people are paid? Need to make sure a product is launched with perfect timing for the market?
These types of complex and naturally conflict-prone situations require collaboration. Collaboration takes time, patience and high level listening skills. This is when the stakes are high — so don’t cut corners by competing, accommodating, compromising or avoiding. Hang in and collaborate with all relevant parties to achieve the best results.
Something is moderately important? Collaborating and competition have failed? Time is tight and things need to be done and both sides hold somewhat equal power and knowledge in the situation?
This is when compromising makes sense. Losing it all “on principle” is stupid in 99% of business situations. Knowing when to back down and just compromise makes sense.
Additional Insights . . .
Video
- Here are more than a few videos on workplace conflict. Our suggestion — choose the one that hits you as relevant and take a look. It is likely you will find something special in it that is “just what you need to hear.”
Workplace Conflict - But if you are skeptical of that approach, we want to suggest one we think is a can’t miss for most leaders. One of the world’s experts on conflict talks about conflict resolution — it’s a must see.
The walk from “no” to “yes”
Additional Reading
- You’ll find everything to say right here. Use it and share.
Perfect Phrases for Conflict Resolution
Listening Takes Work