Self Talk

Why do we all talk to ourselves — sometimes in a good way, and too often in a punishing way?

Self talk is the way we generate our own behavior. As humans, the more self aware we are, the more we are able to “hear” our self-talk and choose our behavior rather than simply letting the self talk dictate negative actions.

Pause and reflect on this point:
Have you ever responded to something, spoken too harshly, interrupted too quickly, passed judgment too soon, or just blurted out a secret and lived to regret it?

Likely yes! These responses are often not the result of self talk but rather the result of just “reacting” — the flight or fight response previously discussed. When you are self aware — you pause and “hear yourself” first before responding. This of course leads to the possibility of having a superior response and one more likely to get you a desired outcome. But sometimes, even with awareness, we turn in to the wrong messages. We allow “negative self talk” or other people’s talk to negatively affect us and consequently impact our actions and make them less productive.

You cannot completely eliminate the affect of negative self talk, but you can dramatically reduce it by consciously “correcting” your own self talk when you hear it. You can also dramatically reduce it by avoiding, as much as possible, the negative self-talk of others.

Here are two examples to help you begin practicing positive self talk.

Life happens, hence the quote — I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails. With increased self awareness and a smarter “radar system” to find negative self talk, you can increase your ability to phrase things and act in ways that are more positive and hence, more productive. Great point! (Don’t you think?) So — If you sense you are starting to engage in negative self talk, find something you like in the points above and choose to go in a different and more positive direction!

As you may recall, from prior QwikTips, we will, from time to time, suggest how forming new good habits can help you to manage stress. Here’s a great article from the Mayo Clinic on positive thinking and how reducing negative self talk reduces stress. We know you’ll find it helpful.

Additional Insights . . .

The best piece of advice to improve how you handle self talk is to spend time “hearing yourself think” and increasing your self awareness of the impact of self talk — both positive and negative — on your day-to-day actions and productivity. Once you get the “ah ha” moment — the resources below will help you strengthen this needed strength.

• Additional Reading
  • Here’s the absolute classic read (now updated for kindle) about self-talk.
    What to Say When You Talk to Yourself
  • Successful people stay calm—and one of the key ways they do that is through managing their self talk—especially of the negative kind.
    How Successful People Stay Calm